{Motherhood} What’s the big deal?

What’s the big deal?

Why is it that now that I am home full time somethings bother me different that before?

I have a theory as to why issues that use to be no big deal are suddenly a big deal. Why as stay at home mothers we are more sensitive and get our feelings hurt easier? I call it my “It is a BIG deal Theory”.

When I was newly married and working my social world felt huge, I talked to lots of people. Now that I’m a mom at home. I feel like my world is as tiny. I talk to my kids and maybe a friend or two and the grocery checker during the day and my husband at night.

I use to have lots of projects, conversations and thoughts that filled my day; now life is lived more simply.

By nature, we are social people. We are meant to be surrounded by others. There have been countless studies done as to our need as humans to socialize. This is why I believe we came to earth in family units. It is my personal belief that we are meant to be together with others. Environmental physiology according to Wiki it “is the interdisciplinary field focused on the interplay between humans and their surroundings” (pretty fascinating research you can read for yourself if you click on the link above).

Here’s my ghetto little drawing of how I see this in a visually:

{yes, I’m a geek. I know. But that’s why you love me, right?}

Bare with me.

Social Circle 1: My life working out of the home, before becoming a stay at home mom

Social Circle 2: My life now

See how the first circle in green is bigger than the smaller pink circle? That’s my world. A little pink world.

So with more socializing and people in general to connect with, I feel that my attention was more spread out. Issues were more spread out and the priority had a different context. Let’s say a friend wouldn’t text me back. Back then I would blow it off.

Now however, with less social involvement, I feel that the issues become a bigger deal because of the new paradigm in which I base my reality. But now, if a friend doesn’t text me back, I take it MUCH more personally that I would have then.

How do you feel your life has changed with going from working full time to being home full time? Or if you work full-time and are balancing life with family how do you feel that has changed?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

{Please help me to add areas to the social circle that I may have missed in the Life prior and Life now images that can be included.}

Now add Social Media. Here my theory gets a little tricky.

I hypothesize that Social media bridges the environmental psycology aspect. I’m not sure what this does to my theory. Best to mull this one over a little more, but I want to throw it out there.

What do you think? Does social media fill that gap? Does being involved on facebook, twitter make you feel more connected? I know it does for me. But the little things in real life still get to me.
The little things are s till a big deal.

Over the last three years I’ve been more involved in the social media community. I blog, tweet and FB more.

I’ve gotten out of the house thanks to social media and entrepreneurial conferences, tradeshows and meet ups. I guess that’s the point of blogging tweeting for me. It’s to create new connections.
To make connections through common interests and then connect in real life.

I love to blog because I enjoy sharing concepts, theories, products and thoughts that pertain to my paradigm and lifestyle.

I also think that’s why 99.99% of the “online friends” I’ve met IRL share a real connection.

How does that old saying go? You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose but you can’t pick your friends nose? Well, I think you can pick your friends nose in a figurative sense
because you already know them priory to meeting them. {ok, maybe this isn’t the best example, but you get the point right?}

I blog, tweet, engage online because I feel like I’m a part of something. A community that is bigger than my tiny world. I love that I feel connected.
We all want to feel included and feel like we belong. I believe that social media is that community and does bridge that gap.

I’ll have to figure out what that drawing will look like. It may need to be 3d because it has lots of layers. I just might need to create it in Prezi and make it fancy.
{thoughts? please share.}

Xoxo my friends

 

Can mothers of infants progress?

This was REALLY important for me to read, so I’m sharing it.

(via Power of Moms)

http://powerofmoms.com/2011/06/can-mothers-of-infants-make-progress

We’re going to be talking a lot over the next month about The Power of Progress, but before we get too carried away with lots of pie-in-the-sky plans and goals, I wanted to address a special group of mothers that often have a hard time feeling like they are making any progress: the mothers of infants.

Each of us wants to feel a sense of progress in our lives. We’re born with an innate desire to make something more of ourselves, and can do amazing things when we take that desire and couple it with the gifts and resources we’ve been given. But mothers of infants often struggle in this area–especially if they had very progress driven lives before having children.

All the standard markers used to signify progress–grades, diplomas, paychecks, promotions, awards–disappear once you become a mother. Maybe more than any other career choice (and I consider motherhood a career choice), motherhood fails to provide concrete measures of success.

Or does it? I remember visiting the pediatrician’s office a few months after my first child was born and feeling a sense of pride when he proclaimed my child happy and healthy, attributing her well being to my conscientious care. After several months of feeling like my life was nothing more than one eternal cycle of nursing, burping, changing, washing, rocking, and consoling, I suddenly felt a sense of accomplishment. I had single-handedly kept another human being alive and well for months on end! (Okay, my husband helped a little.) From that experience I learned to measure progress in a way I never had before: based on my child’s health and happiness. After all, what could be more important?

Important as it is, mothers still need to have interests and pursuits that fill their wells, and opportunities to progress outside the realm of motherhood. (Saren did a wonderful job covering that here.) But that’s why I’m singling out mothers of infants, because when you have an infant in your care, that kind of progress is next to impossible! Mothers in the tough, early months of caring for an infant around the clock have to think outside the box when it comes to measuring progress. And they have to work even harder at not getting discouraged when that progress seems slow.

Without the usual measures of success to define progress, mothers need to create their own definition of progress. Without a boss or a deadline to keep them motivated, mothers need to be their own boss and create their own deadlines. And considering the pace of life with infants (demanding and unpredictable), measuring progress in terms of finished projects or responsibilities outside the home just isn’t realistic.

That’s where The Bloom Game comes in.

If you’re the mother of an infant that feels like your brain is turning to mush and your goal each day is just to survive, I’m inviting you to sign up for this wonderful online resource through The Power of Moms website. Here’s a sampling of the kind of do-able goals you can make with this fun, easy game created by the founders of our website:

Get outside with your children for a few minutes each day.
Drink a glass of water before each meal.
Make arrangements with a spouse, relative or friend for you to go shopping alone.
Spend 5 minutes a day in prayer.
Turn on uplifting music or educational podcasts while doing laundry or dishes.
Take 5 minutes at the end of each day to note all the things you accomplished. (Keeping your cool in a stressful situation definitely counts!)
Set time limits on the computer and TV for yourself.
Reserve a book just for you at the library and pick it up the next time you go with your children.
While the most important progress we make as mothers is in fact raising intelligent, compassionate, productive human beings (and that’s huge!), The Bloom Game provides a way to also feel a sense of personal accomplishment, in small but meaningful ways.

I know what some of you out there are thinking about this list of goals. It’s insulting and humiliating. You’re more capable than that, right? But it’s surprising how an infant can humble you, and even more surprising how they can mold you into a more grounded, selfless, disciplined person if you allow yourself to let go of previous definitions of progress and success. There will be time enough in the coming years for a fast paced life filled with exciting projects and opportunities. Enjoy the satisfaction that comes from knowing you’re growing your best self as you put your child first during this relatively short time in both of your lives.

QUESTION: How do you define progress and success as the mother of an infant?

CHALLENGE: Sign up for The Bloom Game!

Confident and Cool at the pool

I learned something about my body this weekend.

I’m proud of it.

Over the last 20 years I’ve struggled, like many if us do, with my body image. Since puberty hit and Jr. High I’ve struggled with my body. I was a “big boned” girl and was always the tallest in my elementary school classes (nicknamed Conan the Barbarian by some mean boys in 6th grade). I wore big thick glasses. I had moved from Denmark and didn’t have many friends. There were a lot of things I just didn’t get. I didn’t fit in and was constantly on the outside and was teased (a lot). Girls wouldn’t include me.

I’ve always felt fat and not fit. I’ve never been happy with where I was. Even at my skinniest (after living in Jerusalem and weighing 20 pounds less than I do now) I was never comfortable in a swim suit. I’d always wear a t-shirt to cover up.

Getting pregnant the first time was really hard for me to see my transform and gain weight. Especially after finally getting to my “ideal weight” after some decent weight gain after marriage. I’ve never felt too comfortable in my own skin. But as I watched my body transform I gained a new appreciation for my body and it’s ability to be a vessel for life.

With this last pregnancy I once again marveled at my new form and ever expanding belly. I was on bed rest for 8 weeks where I lost all muscle. For me just walking was hard for two months. Getting back basic muscle tone has been work. So getting back to my pre-pregnancy weight is still 10 pounds off and the baby is almost 5 months. Everything is stretched and clothes don’t fit the same.

You’d think my response to seeing two beautiful high school girls parading in Billabong bikini’s by the pool would be a moment of self loathing or embarrassment. My old self would have quickly sized up these pretty girls and made a mental cross-comparison of my flaws to their youth.

But here’s the funny thing. I didn’t.

For the first time a felt confident, in my swim suit (from Wal-mart).

I sat proudly in 2 foot kiddie pool with my handsome husband and two darling children. I looked at my children . They passed through me, through my beautifully imperfect body, and come out perfect.

As I nursed my baby in the shade I felt a great sense of appreciation for my body and it’s ability to transform; to gain weight, bare children, provide milk and still have enough energy to chase after the three year old – all on no sleep.

Who would have thought that it would take 32 years to get to this point?

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Power of Mom

I’m part of a learning circle called POWER OF MOMS that I wanted to share with you.

It’s a great place that I’ve found to connect with other moms. It is refreshing for me to find a place where I can fill my well and focus on being a better parent.

They have monthly meetings where other moms gather and discuss topics. This month the topic is PATIENCE. It’s been good to think about this discussion over the last month because it i an area that I need to work on (who doesn’t?)

Sweet Boy


Since having our darling daughter, our son has been amazing. He really has been so sweet to her.

He is active, like any three year old. Loves to play sports and play with his Pixar Cars. He’s creative and makes up songs about Despicable Me and the solar system.

He’s been patient with the new adjustments in our routine.

He’s our first and he made us parents. As my sister is due any day with her first, it has given me some time to think back on our journey as parents over the last three years. More than anything, I am grateful, on a daily basis that I get to be my son’s and daughter’s mother.

I learn from them. The way the see the world, the way he questions everything. He is really into colors right now and when ever we are in the car he wants to know what two colors mixed together make. “Mama, what does purple and green make?” or “Mama, what does orange and orange make?”

He makes up his own words like kablutchy (the sound the the clouds make when it starts to snow). He quotes movies, “There’s a girl back there”, from Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.

I love these moments. I love being a mom and love sharing our every day moments.

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